Insight Scoop | The Ignatius Press Blog

I Went to a Hockey Game...and the Faith Broke Out

I Went to a Hockey Game...and the Faith Broke Out | David Paul Deavel | CWR |

Alyssa Bormes explains the catechetical possibilities skating right by us in the rink of life

The Duke of Wellington is reported to have said that the Battle of Waterloo was won long before on the playing fields of Eton. Alyssa Bormes doesn't quite say that the Battle of Armageddon will have been won on the backyard hockey rinks of Minnesota, but she's clear in her new book, The Catechism of Hockey (ACS Press, 2013), that she thinks many of the spiritual battles in American Catholic families might be fought better if parents paid more to attention to the analogies to hockey while they explain the analogy of faith.

I know, I know. A whole book on the analogy of hockey to Catholic faith? It sounds like one of those Saturday Night Live sketches that starts well and then drags on for minutes that seem like days. But the book is actually not that long (199 pages) and flows nicely due to Bormes's style. She punctuates her points with parables, personal stories, and historic moments from hockey as well as other sports. What's more, Bormes is able to take on all sorts of topics of faith and morals in a way that makes them more understandable. She understands that arcane dogmas and moral codes are not off-putting: sports parents, especially dads, instinctively catechize their own children in the most obscure quasi-theological topics such as the nature of the infield fly rule, what constitutes pass interference, and what off-side means. Bormes doesn't cite the particular passage in the book, but it's this insight of St. Paul that captured Bormes when she first started to think about sports as a religion: “An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules” (2 Tim 2:5).

Life Outside of the Rules

I met Alyssa nine years ago when she was taking a course from my wife in the master's program in Catholic Studies at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul, Minnesota. My wife had told me about a tall, broad-shouldered woman in her class with a great booming laugh, a great heart, and a great mind. Meeting Alyssa was a little like meeting a female Chesterton—deeply faithful, kind to all, and utterly commonsensical. Unlike Chesterton she was even somewhat practical. She certainly broke conventions but was in love with the commandments. But she hadn't always competed in life according to the rules. This Thanksgiving I sat down with her to talk a little bit about her book and her life.

Continue reading at www.CatholicWorldReport.com.

Men Who "Father" and Fathers Who Are Men

by Carl E. Olson | CWR Blog

When men fail to take responsibility for their actions, the most vulnerable usually pay the heavy cost

When I first saw headlines last week about the death of NFL's star Adrian Peterson's young son, I was shocked. And then I was confused.

Shocked, because the two-year-old boy, Ty, had been viciously beaten by a man apparently responsible for watching the child. It was an act of evil, pure and simple. Confused, because the relationships between the various parties was not clear. Quite the contrary.

Joseph Patterson, the man since charged with two felony counts of aggravated battery of an infant and aggravated assault domestic, was the live-in boyfriend of Ty's mother. They lived in South Dakota; Peterson, of course, lives in Minnesota, where he is the record-chasing running back for the Vikings.

Had Peterson been married to the mother? No. Peterson has never been married. In fact, it turns out that Peterson was not even aware of the boy's existence until a couple of months ago, and he had not seen Ty in person prior to the beating. Peterson, however, is engaged, and he has two children living with him, one of whom is also two years old, according to the New York Times. And:

Peterson said he offered financial support for Ty and Ty’s mother after he learned he was the boy’s father. He was arranging to go to Sioux Falls when the boy was injured on Oct. 9. Peterson skipped practice on Oct. 10 to visit Ty in the hospital, the only time he saw him alive. The next day, with Peterson back at practice, Ty died after he was taken off life support.

The various stories posted on ESPN.com and other sports-related sites provided the basic facts of the story as they came available, but the focus of many pieces—and especially of television commentary—was on whether or not Peterson would play in the Vikings' next game. And, if so, how would he do? And so forth. Among the most interesting set of quotes were these, in the Times story:

Continue reading on the CWR blog.

It's Not a Conspiracy, It's a Culture

It's Not a Conspiracy, It's a Culture | Carl E. Olson | Editorial | Catholic World Report

The silence about Kermit Gosnell's trial demonstrates the dominance of the culture of death and moral deafness.

I don't take in much baseball or golf, but I do usually watch some of the World Series and portions of the Master's golf tournament. As sporting events, both have a certain timeless quality (I won't get carried away and use the empty word, "magical"), but also a fair share of sporting drama. Besides, they are mostly free of discussions about politics, although they tend to be increasingly politically correct. Regardless, it was interesting to watch and listen to some of the serious arguments and intense discussions that commenced once news broke that Tiger Woods had dropped a ball (after his tee shot went into the water on the 15th hole on Friday) a full two yards behind his original spot, which led to a two stroke penalty. Mayhem insued, and there were some folks insisting that the #1 golfer in the world should have disqualified himself.

Reflecting on the spectacle of adults arguing over 72 inches of turf, I tweeted the following about 24 hours after the Tiger story broke:

Google news search brings up 39,000 links for "Kermit Gosnell"+"trial" but 145,000 for "Tiger Woods"+"penalty". MSM should be disqualified.

Unless you watch only CNN or read only the New York Times, you know about the story about the non-story within the story of the murder trial of abortionist Kermit Gosnell. The trial has been going on for nearly a month in Philadephia, but has received even less coverage from the mainstream media (MSM) than did the celebration of Easter. One could glibly joke that Gosnell would have garnered far more attention if he were a junior high boy pretending to shoot fellow students with a crooked twig during recess, except that story would have undoubtedly made it on the MSM radar within hours, if not minutes. Last Thursday, CWR's managing editor, Catherine Harmon, explained the particulars of the story and noted the media silence, which was itself fast becoming a story. Since then, the uproar—via e-mails, tweets, Facebook, and so forth—from outraged Americans (and others, I presume) rose to the point that the New York Times finally relented and published an editorial this past weekend on the subject of abortion doctors, abortion clinics, and the fight for goodness and truth:

Continue reading on the CWR site.

Monday Morning Catholic Quarterback

by Carl E. Olson | Catholic World Report blog

Some insist football is like a religion, but that is surely nonsensical. If it really were so, football fans would dress up in special clothing, travel to large and ornate buildings, join together in feasting and chanting, express praise for past heroes, scream and shout and cry like fanatics, and set aside one day a year for a great feast commemorating the biggest and best the sport has to offer. 

What's that you say? Oh. Right.

Of course, there are obvious differences. One is that many Americans are apparently willing to go to the rack (either this kind or that kind) for their team, make fools of themselves for their team, get into heated arguments in defense of their team—all of which would be considered narrow-minded, negative, triumphalistic, and fanatical if done for one's faith and church.  

Don't misunderstand: I have nothing against the Sacred High Day Super Bowl Sunday. I readily confess that I watched the commercials and I even caught some of the game, although I went to get some coffee during the second, unplanned halftime show. Personally, I thought the lights should have gone out during the first halftime show, which appears to have been inspired by a, well, nevermind.  

There have been a number of intriguing story lines over the past two weeks that have caught my attention, despite a schedule filled with time in Hawaii, golfing jaunts, and interviews with Vogue.. A couple of them even have something to with football. Here are a few short routes and a couple of runs between the tackles

• "Hey, God is on his side!" | Am I the only one who has wondered why ESPN and other entertainment networks have spent weeks giggling and snorting over a college football player's imaginary girlfriend but have a self-imposed gag order when it comes to a law-challenged pro player who has fathered six kids by four different women—and talks endlessly about "God"? Manti T’eo may have made some big and silly mistakes, but his sin was having all of this go viral before being a Super Bowl MVP, which is the ultimate "Ticket to Puff Questions Tossed by Adoring Media Types". 

• The Two Brothers | How about the Harbaugh brothers. Neat story in many ways. Did you know that Jim and John are Catholic? Speaking of Catholic brothers, how about the recent back and forth betweenCardinal Roger Mahony and Archbishop Jose Gomez?

Continue reading on the CWR blog.

Behold the Olympics!

by James V. Schall, S.J. | Catholic World Report

Watching the Olympic Games on NBC has been more than frustrating. The actual events are cleverly isolated midst ad after ad, and chatter after chatter, on the screen. In frustration, I turned to a Spanish station that showed soccer, boxing, and races that were not yet available on NBC, which seems exclusively interested in what Americans do at the Games. No doubt, Ethiopian, German, or Chinese television networks feature their respective athletes.

I suppose that if I were in London, the logistics of getting to where separate events were actually happening would be daunting. No one could see everything as it was happening. And while each event has its own history and fascination, some people will be bored by swimming and others enthused by shooting or the pole vault. But, no doubt, something worth watching can be found in any event.

In the course of two weeks, we see boxing, rowing, equestrian events, track, shooting, jumping, vaulting, diving, swimming, weight-lifting, judo, volley ball, field hockey, basketball, soccer, wrestling, ping pong, gymnastics, badminton, hurdles, and marathons. The only things missing are football (American, Australian, Irish, and Canadian), sailing, baseball, poker, golf, lacrosse, hunting dogs, cock fights, bass fishing, auto racing, tractor pulls, and horse shoes. We see the world's fastest men and women, as well as the strongest, the most agile, and the most enduring. When we finally are allowed un-interruptedly to watch a complete event, it is precisely a spectacle, something to behold, to watch, fascinated.

Aside from the occasional athlete who blesses himself before a race, the heavy garb of some Muslim women, and the "God" when "God Save the Queen" is sung in honor of some British gold medalist, we see or hear no indication of religion, aside from shots of Westminster Abbey or St. Paul's. The opening and closing ceremonies feature no blessings. Perhaps it is just as well. Security is difficult enough as it is.

Yet, the Olympics did have religious origins in their Greek beginnings. Mt. Olympus was the home of the gods.

The idea that men did their best before the gods is not to be ignored. And what could men do? Were there any limits? Is there something finite about us?

Continue reading on the CWR blog.

"We don't know how to trust goodness." Or, what hath Tim Tebow wrought?

(Yeah, I know, you think the headline contains stilted language. Verily, verily, Shakespeare the Catholic and King James the Protestant doth love it.)

A number of recent articles have analyzed the interest in (or, in some cases, disdain for) Tim Tebow, the rookie second-year quarterback of the Denver Broncos, whose unapologetic displays of Christian belief (especially kneeling in prayer) have brought about much conversation and consternation. (His passing ability and throwing technique have also spurred controversy, but I won't spend time on that right now.)

Daniel Foster's piece, "Tebow's Religion, and Ours" (NRO, Dec. 3, 2011), makes many good points, beginning with this insight:

But there isn’t an ironic bone in Tim Tebow’s body. That’s what makes him conspicuous. That’s what makes the fact that he’s managed to stay squeaky clean, in a sport that notoriously is not, conspicuous. And it’s why the power of Tebow’s evangelical-Christian faith, and the earnestness with which he professes it, seems to annoy so many people.

Foster examines some of the reasons that Tebow's actions and witness have upset other players and many football fans, and concludes with this:

A leader on the field and off who spent his college years not indulging in any of the worldly pleasures afforded to Heisman Trophy winners, but doing missionary work in Thailand; helping overworked doctors perform circumcisions in the Philippines (you read that right); and preaching at schools, churches, and even prisons. This is a young man with such a strong work ethic that, according to teammates, he can’t even be coaxed into hitting the town on a night after a Broncos win, because he is too busy preparing for the next week’s game. This is a young man who even turned the other cheek at Stephen Tulloch’s Tebowing, saying, “He was probably just having fun and was excited he made a good play and had a sack. And good for him.”

That’s way too much earnestness for the ironic. It’s way too much idealism for the cynical. And it’s way too much selflessness for the self-absorbed. In short, people aren’t upset at Tebow’s God talk. They’re upset that he might actually believe it.

Daniel Flynn, in a piece for Human Events, "The Tebow Haters" (Nov. 21, 2011), makes similar points:

Good people make bad people uncomfortable. Their example nudges everyone to undertake the hard work to be better. Our faults are so much easier to tolerate when we stand next to Jerry Sandusky.

More impressive than the on-field dramatics is the off-field demeanor. Tebow exhibited an infectious aw-shucks enthusiasm in his postgame interview with the NFL network. His namedropping of Jesus came across as heartfelt rather than perfunctory. He mouthed empty sports clichés with a strange conviction. He put a target on his back by plainly stating he wants to be a role model. As the highlight of his week, he pointed to a hospital his foundation helped build in the Philippines rather than the victory over the Jets.

Patton Dodd, in a just-posted essay, "Tim Tebow: God's Quarterback" (WSJ.com, Dec. 10, 2011), provides some interesting historical background regarding the relationship in America between religion and sports, then writes:

In communities across America, whether religious or secular, fields of play are often seen as workshops of character. Parents and coaches get kids involved with sports because they care about encouraging them to be better people.

At the national level, however, big-time sports is big business, with billions of dollars at stake, and Americans tend to be cynical about the whole show. In this world, Mr. Tebow's frequent professions of faith can come across as a discordant note, equal parts over-earnestness and naïveté. It's hard to resist the thought that, eventually, a darker reality will show through.

Mr. Tebow may indeed turn out to be a hypocrite, like other high-profile Christians in recent memory. Some of us might even want that to happen, because moral failure is something we understand. We know how to deal with disappointed expectations, to turn our songs of praise into condemnation.

What we are far less sure how to do is to take seriously a public figure's seemingly admirable character and professions of higher purpose. We don't know how to trust goodness.

I think Dodd a bit too optimistic about the good intentions of parents and coaches at the local community level (it is surely a very mixed bag), but he certainly right about professional sports being big business. (Many college sports are also big business, as this Oregon Duck football fan can attest.) Sports, it is often said in jest, are religious in nature. But the jest is hardly humorous when you consider the amount of money involved, the way that lives and bodies are often treated as mere commodities, and the manner in which fans immerse themselves in a particular team with a passion and singular furiosity that makes the actions and public expressions of most Christians look downright anemic and half-hearted in comparison. One of the most impressive and intense religious celebrations I ever witnessed in person took place in Autzen Stadium, arguably the largest place of worship in all of Oregon.

My headline, in fact, might better be: What hath Tim Tebow exposed? One doesn't need to put the young quarterback on a pedestal, or even defend his (ahem) unorthodox playing style, to recognize that his lack of cynicism, his practicing of what he preaches, and his unflinching public testimony have challenged the status quo of both pro football and pro fandom. And that is rather refreshing, especially since Tebow is unwavering in his insistence that real life and real meaning not only transcend sports, but are found far beyond the gridiron, even if what happens on the playing field can point, in some unexpected way, to permanent and ultimate truths.

By the way, on a related note, consider this point made by a priest: "This is something that frustrates the heck out of me. A child's coach demands mandatory attendance at every practice and game, a dress code (uniform, warm up suit, etc.), and a certain level of fundraising, and parents accept it without question. If a parish priest or religious education director asks that children attend every class, dress appropriately for Mass, and contribute to the support of the parish, what do you think happens?" Indeed.

• The Sacramentals of Sport (Insight Scoop)
• The Bowl, the Bet, and the Bard (Insight Scoop)

Pope Benedict XVI performs miracle

He renders Dick Vitale speechless.

Sorry. Couldn't resist. I'm not a Vitale fan (I prefer less emotive, more analytical sports commentators), but I'm not a hater, either (folks tend to have strong positions on Vitale's brand of hyper-active basketball analysis). Actually, the story and photos are endearing:

“The Pope asked me if I wanted him to pray for something,” Vitale said. “I asked him if he would pray for my family and for peace in the world and he said that he would. He gave me and my wife Lorraine a pair of rosary beads. I didn’t know up until the moment I met him that it was going to happen.

“We went to his summer castle and were among about 1,000 people in the courtyard. I had a letter from Bishop Dewane (Venice Diocese) requesting a meeting. He told me to take it to the Vatican, and I did and then the meeting was arranged. I was shocked. I never thought the meeting would happen.”

Read the entire story.

Getting fit for the priesthood!

The Lake County Journal (Illinois) recently had a feature story about Fr. Stephen Grunow, the associate director of the Word on Fire apostolate:

LIBERTYVILLE – Several years ago, the Rev. Steve Grunow gave a homily about vocations and encouraged young Catholic men to enter the priesthood.

It was a difficult time for the Catholic church, which was under fire for several sexual abuse scandals involving clergymen, Grunow said. He expected that any arguments he heard from families about supporting their sons entering the ministry would be relevant to those scandals.

Instead, the objection he heard from one prominent Catholic family in his congregation – a husband and wife with multiple children – was that they didn’t consider the priesthood to be a physically healthy vocation, and they did not wish their sons to pursue such a career.

“[They told me], ‘I want my children to be happy … and to be happy, they also have to be healthy,’” Grunow said.

It was a comment that stuck with Grunow, and ultimately made him decide to be an open advocate for a healthier image of clergymen – even though he himself had never been terribly out of shape.

“It was so unique, I thought it must be a message directly from God,” Grunow said. “If that’s something people see in the priesthood, it’s something I can work on. I can do something about that.”

Enter Ben Wellenbach, owner of Be Well Fitness in Libertyville. Grunow contacted Wellenbach to inquire about personal training sessions to begin his mission of presenting a healthier clergy to the lay people.

The story details how Fr. Grunow took on a demanding training schedule, and how he discovered connections between his physical and spiritual health. It also recounts how his trainer ended up becoming Catholic! Fr. Grunow offers some further thoughts over on the Word on Fire blog:

I have written several times on this blog about the correlation of the concerns of the spiritual life to practices that enhance physical fitness. ("Lifting the Weight of the Priesthood," "Fit For Mission," and "What has Sparta to do with Jerusalem?") I won’t belabor the point in this post except to say that the mission of the Church can only be helped by insisting that the Church’s ministers are physically fit and healthy enough to get what needs to be done accomplished. What I would like to highlight is that this article represents something that is sorely needed today- a positive story about a priest. Basically, the story featured in the Lake County Herald is not simply about how much I can deadlift, but it is a story about how the Lord placed his priest into circumstances where a spiritual seeker could finally find a home in his Church.

Read his entire post.

I'll see your outrage and double it

During his NFL career (which he is currently re-starting), Tiki Barber took many a hard hit from huge defensive linemen and punishing linebackers, but I don't know if he ever had a foot shoved down his throat and into his stomach. Alas, he accomplished that on his own, albeit metaphorically:

Tiki Barber hasn't taken the football field yet in his comeback, but he's already taking hits for making an analogy to Holocaust victim Anne Frank.

The former New York Giants running back has been criticized in local media for making the analogy during an interview in this week's Sports Illustrated. At one point in the article, Barber describes going into hiding with his girlfriend after his well-publicized breakup with his then-pregnant wife. Barber and his girlfriend ended up in the attic of the home of the player's agent, Mark Lepselter.

"Lep's Jewish," Barber told Sports Illustrated. "And it was like a reverse Anne Frank thing."

Lepselter came to his client's defense Thursday.

"In a world where nothing surprises me, where things get completely blown out of proportion, this only adds to the list," Lepselter told ESPNNewYork.com. "[Tiki] was shedding light on going back to that time when he was literally trapped, so to speak, in my attic for a week. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Let me remind all those who want to make this more than it is: Tiki was a guest of [president] Shimon Peres in Israel five years ago."

Abraham H. Foxman, national director of the Anti-Defamation League, described Barber's comment as "outrageous and perverse."

Yes, it was outrageous. Absolutely. Flippant and glib, I think, but definitely the wrong historical event to draw upon for analogies. But it doesn't say anything good that while there is an understandable outcry about Barber's comments, there isn't any mention of anger or disgust about this: "going into hiding with his girlfriend after his well-publicized breakup with his then-pregnant wife." Comparing oneself to Anne Frank when you aren't in any danger is outrageous. But comparing yourself to Anne Frank when you are hiding with your girlfriend from your pregnant (with twins) wife? That certainly is perverse.

By the way, give the Orwellian Spin of the Day Award to the agent for saying, "literally trapped, so to speak." Uh, was he literally trapped? "Uh, yeah, so to speak." So he wasn't really trapped? "Um, no, not literally, but in a...um... non-literal kinda way...yeah...no...I gotta run." Good idea.

I just found this New York Post piece from April 2010:

Ex-Giants superstar Tiki Barber has dumped his 8-months-pregnant wife, Ginny, for sexy former NBC intern Traci Lynn Johnson, sources told The Post last night.

The football star-turned-"Today" show-correspondent left his wife of 11 years, Ginny, for the 23-year-old blonde, who also worked at 30 Rock, the sources said.

Ginny, who is expecting twins, found out about the relationship late last year, after the run-around running back moved out of their Upper East Side home. ...

The affair is particularly stunning in light of Barber's long-standing disdain for his philandering father.

"I don't give a [bleep] that the relationship didn't work," he said of his parents' split in a 2004 Post interview. "Not only did he abandon her, I felt like he abandoned us for a lot of our lives. I have a hard time forgiving that."

Barber's confidants were shocked. ...

 In his 2007 memoir, "Tiki: My Life in the Game and Beyond," Barber described the example he wanted to set for his kids.

"I want to be an honorable man, because that's what I want them both to be," he wrote, noting, "My family is everything to me."

I don't say this often: I'm a 100% with Foxman on this one. Ugh.

A quick note about the day of and the day after

Dale Ahlquist, custodian and disciple of all things Chesterton, is showing up at my house in a few hours, and so I'm madly cleaning up in preparation of his arrival. Dale is giving some talks in Oregon and Washington over the next few days, spreading the wit and wisdom of the great G.K.

Anyhow, I wanted to share a bit about my particiation in an intense and memorable religious service last night here in Eugene, Oregon.

It had a bit of everything: upbeat and incredibly loud worship music, a fascinating mixture of traditonal and contemporary elements, intense involvement by the entire faith community, focused and jubilant celebrants, trendy vestments, and a nearly perfectly executed service.

Don't panic. I've not become a member of the AmChurch. I was given tickets to the Oregon-UCLA football game, which the Ducks managed to pull out, 60-13 (it should have been 67-6, but that's another story). It was the first game for Oregon as the #1 ranked team (#2 in the BCS, if that's important to you) in the country, and they certainly performed like a national title candidate. But nearly as interesting to me was watching, in person, the religious-like elements of college football, which includes video homage to the "communion of saints" (past football greats), a processional (the team's entrance, accompanied by music), and so forth. I put together a much longer list a few years ago. None of which is meant, of course, to be mocking of either football or religion (on the contrary, I am fond of both, each in the proper measure, I hope), but rather to note what it suggests about human nature. We are religious creatures, and we are best known, ultimately, by the things we treat as sacred and set apart by various ceremonies, rituals, and devotional practices.

And with those incredibly deep and rich insights, I must take my leave as I prepare for the coming of Dale.

Unexpected and a bit strange, but kinda neat. If true.

What doth the USC/Reggie Bush fiasco have to do with Catholic teaching? From the Bleacher Report:

Former LSU head basketball coach Dale Brown said in his 1994 biography, Tiger in a Lions Den, "I would change the NCAA. They legislate against human dignity...It definitely has to be revolutionized...the NCAA is too worried about double parking and jaywalking when they should be cracking down on murder and assault."

On Wednesday, I asked Brown his reaction to USC's bold move against Reggie Bush. Brown responded by quoting the words of Pope John Paul II:

Said Brown, "On 6-22-88 Pope John Paul II said, "Like all human beings, the value of sports need to be purified. Sometimes today, the temptations steer the sport away from its true goals. its honest ends, and those who really love sports should not put up with those deviations, which constitute a regression in the progress of man."

However, I cannot find the actual source; it doesn't appear to the general audience for June 22, 1988. John Paul II did talk about sports quite a bit (see here, for example), but I cannot find the quote above. However, Pope Benedict XVI, in his “Message for the 20th Winter Olympic Games in Turin, Italy: A Light for Sports,” (February 8, 2006), stated, "Sport is one of the human activities which is also waiting to be enlightened by God through Christ, so that the values it expresses may be purified and elevated at both the individual and the collective levels.” And it's also a bit strange that someone would say, in an interview setting, "On 6-22-88..." Unless, perhaps, the date was especially memorable.

By the way, as an Oregon Duck fan, I want to say that I'm vaguely aware that stealing, lying, drug use, and assault are also contrary to Catholic teaching...

"Basketball is not the ultimate. ..."

"... It is of small importance in comparison to the total life we live. There is only one kind of life that truly wins, and that is the one that places faith in the hands of the Savior. Until that is done, we are on an aimless course that runs in circles and goes nowhere.”

That from one of the greatest basketball coaches of all time, John Wooden, who passed away at the age of 99 on June 4, 2010 (my wedding anniversary!). More over at Get Religion from Terry Mattingly, who has a good piece—"LATimes: Wooden was faithful, but to what?"—noting how some newspapers of record went out of their way to avoid noting Wooden's Christian beliefs.

The Bowl, the Bet, and the Bard

I am a man of words and, just barely, a man of my word. And I am also a man of my birds, however I might try to duck my allegiances when things go south on national television.

Explanation: This past December, buoyed by success, media hype, and my environs (I live four minutes from Autzen Stadium), I drank the Oregon Duck Kool-Aid and accepted the prevailing wisdom that Coach Chip Kelly and Crew would win the Rose Bowl on January 1st against the Ohio State Buckeyes. I was so deliriously confident, I made a bet with Greg O., a friend who lives in Ohio, about the game. It was typical of most bets involving football bowl games: the loser had to write a serious, straight-up Shakespearean sonnet about the game, including an overt note of congratulations. No sarcasm, no weasel worse, no free verse.

The sonnet, once approved by the winner, would be posted on this blog. As I said, a very typical bet.

Unfortunately, the Oregon Ducks lost to the Ohio State Buckeyes, 26-17.

I am finally, a month later, fulfilling my end of the bargain. So, without further ado—or, with much ado about pigskin—here is my sonnet:

The Rose Bowl Sonnet: A Duck's Lament

My spread, Chip said, would shred with confusion,
Scamp'ring past the Buckeyes towering yet
slow, spun by misdirected illusion,
Hence confidence and this rash, beguiling bet.

Two fortnight gone, and still the ling'ring pain
Doth endure; twas glory held, dimmed, then flushed,
Gridiron dreams first flew then fell in vain,
Ducks scattered; Masoli's crew dashed, smashed, crushed.

Alas, Tressel's men did spread their massive paws
and cast Coach Kelly's lads from side to side,
A chance—brief!—died quickly; the fumble lost
Pryor smelt blood and did to glory glide.

Tis better to have played and lost, you say?
I only know thy team was best that day.

Speaking of Shakespeare, did I mention that Joseph Pearce's new book, Through Shakespeare's Eyes: Seeing the Catholic Presence in the Plays, is now available from Ignatius Press?

The $7500.00 Tweet

The Buck stopped here, courtesy of the NBA:

Back to 500. Yess!!! “500” means where doing good. Way to Play Hard Guys.

Rookie! I wonder if it would have been $500.00 less if he had avoided the spelling error? By the way, isn't it strange that he posted this fifteen minutes after the game instead of simply walking over to his teammates in the locker room and saying, "Way to play hard!"?

In case you're wondering, that cost $51.37 per character (counting spaces), or $277.77 per word.

Tiger, Tiger...

... personally opposed. Creative Minority shoots an eagle!

Whew!

Close one! Good one. Looking forward to the next one.

We interrupt these serious proceedings...

... for this great line from (gasp!) the Los Angeles Times:

Oregon scored 30 points after the third quarter, with Masoli working magic back of center, his deft ball fakes making professional cameramen look like drunken sailors filming their annual flag-football game.

And I suspect Masoli drove more than a few Arizona fans to drink after the game. One of the more memorable games I've seen in a while.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, catch up by reading all about the latest BCS rankings.

Here's one way to eliminate the human factor...

... from sporting events and athletic competition:

China plans for humanoid Olympics

The games will only be open to humanoid robots

China is planning to hold a robot Olympics in 2010. The international event will be held in the city of Harbin and will see robots take part in 16 different events.

Robots will be able to compete in familiar Olympic sports such as athletics as well as those more suited to machines such as cleaning. Entry to the competition will be restricted to robots resembling humans. They must possess two arms and legs. Wheels are banned.

The organisers of the games expect from more than 100 universities from around the world to send competitors to the event.

The plus side of this seems evident: no overpaid athletes, no whining or surly athletes, no athletes on steroids, and no sweaty uniforms and apparel to wash. On the negative side, is anyone going to buy sports drinks, cereal, and shaving cream endorsed by a robot? (Phone calls made to Nike, Adidas, and Wheaties were not returned by the time this important news item was posted.)

Oh, great!

On the cusp of the biggest game of the year for the Oregon Ducks (against USC, on Halloween night), Sports Illustrated runs a feature piece on the team. Does this qualify for an SI jinx? Or does that only apply to covers? I don't think I'm going to sleep well until Saturday night...

Feeling much better, thank you...

... after today's events at the local Gridiron Temple (located just a few minutes away). Not that I worship there. But I do keep tabs on the autumnal worship services, and this one, I must admit, was quite entertaining.

• Not feeling so great this evening (Sept. 3, 2009)