A "Jesus rocks, Church stinks; 'spiritual' is awesome, religion is rotten!" Lexicon

Below is a rather, um, caustic piece that I wrote in early 2004 in response to the "un-church" rage (what? you missed that rage? you're so uncool!). The "un-church" movement was/is essentially a riff on the old-but-ever-new silly spouting about Jesus being wonderful and relevant, while religion, Church, and wearing ties are oppressive, dull, and anti-"spiritual". Some of this is a bit dated and I would change a few things if I re-wrote it. Still, perhaps of moderate interest.

The Un-Church Phenomenon: Some Observations and a Lexicon | Carl E. Olson

When my final Protestant pastor (a good man and dear friend) saw that I was becoming deadly serious about entering the Catholic Church, he made one last, desperate pitch. "Why don't you found your own church?" he asked. "Wouldn't that be better?"

Um, no. I certainly didn't think so. Still don't. But it is very appealing to many, many people. The result? Some 35,000 or so Christian denominations in the world, a large number of them in North America.

A January 2004 article, "The Un-churches," [no longer online] in the Denver Post, provides a revealing excursion into the world of small groups that are springing up in the Denver area and, more importantly, into the thinking and beliefs of the twenty and thirty year olds who are founding them.

The names of these "churches" offer some clues as to the general approach: The Journey, Pathways, The Next Level, Connected Life Church, The Crossing, New Life Church, Pierced Chapel, and (I'm not making this up) Scum of the Earth Church.

My thought, upon reading this article, is that those who don't know the past are doomed to repeat it. There is much that is good about the intentions of these groups and there is much that is near-sighted and theologically-skewed. Not surprisingly, there is a strong emphasis on the individual, rejection of structure, love for "freedom," and "expression." That's not too original, as anyone who's older than, say, twenty-eight can tell you. On the other hand, there is some talk of connecting with the past and of knowing history. But it seems that this "connecting" takes on rather shallow and pretentious forms: lots of candles, Celtic crosses, and some neo-Gregorian chanting. As though wrapping yourself in the flag of the past makes you wise to the reality of the past.

Just this last week I had a lengthy conversation with Mike, a 22-year old who attends a "Christian Center" (which is Assemblies of God) and who has been "saved for two years and five months" (he mentioned this fact at least four times). We spoke of many things, but the comment that stood out the most was one that I've heard so many times, albeit in slightly different forms: "I'm all about loving Jesus. I'm not into theology or religion." As in: Jesus is good, dogma is bad. Jesus is great, Church is stuffy. Jesus rocks, ritual blows.

Needless to say, Mike isn't into history, doctrine, dogma, and the complexities of Christology, ecclesiology, soteriology, and every other "-ology" that has a rich and meaningful—and living—place in the life of the Church. It's all about him and Jesus, him and his Bible, and him and his private prayer time. Hey, it's wonderful that he's in love with Jesus. But it seems to me that he might also be in love with being in love with Jesus, just as these myriads of little groups and experimental "churches" are in love with being different, being experimental, being cool and hip.

Recently, my local paper had a similar article, titled " 'Unchurch' services: Nondenominational congregations grow in popularity." It was full of the same annoying blather about being freed from ritual, having warm feelings about Jesus, and dancing in the aisles. The top "Quote of the Clueless" comes from Gary Clark, the pastor of a Pentecostal mega-church. Pastor Clark one time starred in a series of local television commercials pitching his "un-church" that were so hokey and painfully stilted that even the Holy Spirit would have been hard pressed to work through them. The article states:

Gary Clark, senior pastor at Eugene Christian, says it didn't take long after arriving in 1980 to figure out that many people here are skeptical of mainline churches. "They don't like being told what to do, and they don't like that heavy-handed approach to religion," he says. "Churches that are just there to defend the faith and perpetuate the traditional past—people are staying away from those churches in droves."

Ah yes, those stick-in-the-mud, uptight Christians who are concerned about defending what they believe and think that tradition and the past are important. You know: Paul, Ignatius of Antioch, Justin Martyr, Augustine, Aquinas, and Co. What a bunch of losers and morons those guys were, huh?

Since many Catholics—and perhaps a few non-Catholics—aren't familiar with "un-churches" and their lingo, I thought I'd provide a short, but hopefully helpful, lexicon of "un-church-ese." Here we go….  

"A sign from God" I have a good feeling about this un-church. Plus, the refreshments after the worship service were tasty.

"Anointing" I cried during the worship service for no reason.

"Communion" Crackers or pizza. Add soda or juice. Read John 6:63. Celebrate at the end of the service, taking no more than seven minutes.

"Contemporary" Lots of lights, loud music, t-shirts, and a sixteen-year-old pastor

"Dynamic" Killer bass and guitar riffs during the "Mosh With the Messiah!" worship service.

"Freedom" The pastor doesn't wear a tie, and he doesn't use notes or a pulpit when he shares the special word that God has laid on his heart.

"Authentic" I don't feel compelled to wear nice clothes.

"God told me…" I'm more spiritual than you.

"No structure" Nobody appears to be in charge or know what's going on. Ain't that great!?

"Non-conventional" My parents don't attend with me. Ain't that even greater?!

"Non-denominational" My un-church was established three years ago. We're just like the first Christians.

"Minister" (n.) The sixteen-year-old up front.

"minister" (v.) I talk one-on-one about myself, my feelings, my needs, etc.

"Personal lord and savior" You know, Jesus. Sheez, are you Catholic?

"Religion" The evil attempt of man to reach God. Invented by the Vatican in 325 A.D.

"Spiritual" Good. I'm very spiritual, by the way.

"Testimony" I talk in front of the entire group about myself, my feelings, my needs, etc.

"Theology" Boring. Invented by sadistic monks during the Dark Ages, which was a long time ago, even before MTV.

"Tradition" Very, very bad. Invented by a Pope in 666 A.D.

"Word of God The Bible. I read it and the Left Behind books every day.

"Worship" Jesus meets rock n' roll.

(Disclaimer: This lexicon has not yet been approved for ecumenical use. Anyone offended by it may send their complaints to [email protected].)

Comments

[Kanakaberaka]

A non-denominational chuch took over a closed movie theatre a few year ago in my neighborhood. It's simply called "The Rock Church". Whenever I pass by I encounter many young folks who attend the service. I suppose they get some sort of spiritual uplift at this huge theatre turned church. But I still don't see the point of worship without faith in some eternal, unchanging truth.

[LJ]

Kanakaberaka's comment reminded me of when I was a teenager attending a Baptist church and every Sunday evening after the service we would jump in the cars and drive about fifteen-twenty miles to a Youth Center that catered to our need for the louder music, the relaxed atmosphere and non-denominational preaching and testimony.

(Plus, it was a perfectly acceptable place for all parents concerned to take a Baptist girl, or perhaps even meet one.)

I have often been struck, since becoming Catholic, with what seems always to be an either/or scenario in the Church. Somebody is always trying to mess with the mass to make it more appealing to youth(or at least what 50 and 60 year olds think would be appealing to youth). They still try, even as Benedict XVI is dragging the entire Church by the scruff of the neck in the opposite direction.

So why can't there be both? Why cannot Catholic young people (even middle-aged people) have a place to meet on a Sunday evening providing they have been to mass in the morning or afternoon? Is there some rule against it? I have never been able to discover it.

In fact, joking aside, I have been working on something like this for some time. We now have a young priest in our parish, newly ordained, who has lots of energy, a love of young people and a great singing voice. There have already been some once-a-year programs for young people that lead up to world youth day, but in this diocese and this city there has not been anything quite so regular as even once or twice a month. I know the Bishop well enough to know he would be on board, and the Knights of Columbus councils in the area would help if asked.

All we need is an ad hoc band, a bit of funding to bring in guest acts if possible, a loosely structured format and a commitment to share the truth of the gospel, the Catholic faith. And, I can still put three chords together on the guitar if absolutely necessary.

[Mack Hall]

Lots of cowboy (sic) churches (sic again) in East Texas. I've been invited, but I ain't goin' -- nice folks, but in addition to all of the above, add guitars and the roping of animals.

Sigh.

[Dan Deeny]

Very interesting. I recently had a very short discussion with a former Catholic who is now an evangelist who has been born again. I asked her why she couldn't be an evangelist in the Catholic Church. She replied that Catholics have a lot of false beliefs. I asked her for some and she mentioned Mary, for instance the Hail Mary prayer. I said that that is from Luke, thus biblical. She said no, that the Bible isn't prayer, and then she said that her priest had taught that Mary was a mediatrix. She said that this was wrong, that only Jesus was a mediator. By this time a Baptist lady was there to insist that Catholic belief in Mary was wrong. etc. I got up and left. It is difficult to discuss with people who, intentionally or unintentionally, misrepresent Catholic belief. What are some skills I can learn to evangelize effectively?

[Charles E Flynn]

@Mack Hall,

Many traditional Catholics think that large pseudo-puppets in the liturgy are as bad as it gets, but your memorable phrase, "the roping of animals", has convinced me that things could be worse, and are, in East Texas.

[Charles E Flynn]

I was trying to find the original Denver Post article, using various databases that archive Web pages no longer archived by Google. While I failed, I did find this interesting use of Carl's original article, by Amy Welborn:

the Un-Churched, by Amy Welborn.

The comment by Ricki is worthy of a "New Yorker" cartoon.

[Charles E Flynn]

Mark Shea has posted some relevant humorous commentary:

Postmodernity = Chaos.