The Sacramentals of Sport

Terry Mattingly had a post over at GetReligion a few days ago titled, "Michael Vick, Sinner," about how sports writers lapse into decidedly religious language when talking about certain stories, such as NFL stars charged with dog fighting and killing dogs. Today he has another post about Vick, this time examining the media coverage of Vick's public statement, after having plead guilty to several counts, which contained numerous references to God, Jesus, and so forth. Now Christianity Today has a poll asking readers what their response is to Vick's statements (so far, those who are "skeptical" are winning, hands down. No word on the odds from Vegas.)

But the big scoop seems to belong to ESPN.com, who has discovered that the NFL has a Sacred Book that is filled with Cosmic Secrets about scoring touchdowns and blocking the right defender: the Playbook.

In the NFL, the playbook is a sacred hardbound diary of trust. It's an accumulation of decades' worth of knowledge, tweaked and perfected, sectioned off by scribbles and colored tabs. It's the first thing the fresh meat get when preseason workouts start in the spring and the last thing that is pried from a player's sweaty mitts when The Turk arrives and utters those dreaded 11 words.

Coach wants to see you in his office. Bring your playbook.

No two playbooks are alike. Some are as massive as 800 pages; others are thinner than the Mankato, Minn., phone book. No layman or superfan could get through the first section without being completely confused. But therein lies the trick, to sort through the clutter, learn fast and play faster.

Chad Greenway, who plays for the Vikings, expressed his reverence for the Authorized Playbook: "So you always have it with you. That's the one thing that's sacred to football. It has all our secrets."

It is sometimes said, in jest (or half-jest), that football is religion for some people. Undoubtedly. After all, it has:

• Days of Obligatory Worship: Usually Sundays, but also Mondays (Monday Night Football) and Thursdays.
• A Great Feast Day: Super Bowl Sunday
• Clergy/Celebrants: The players
• Laity: The fans
• Cathedrals: Stadiums
• Parishes: Sports bars
• A Sacred Book: The playbook.
• Saints: Past superstars and great coaches
• Vestments: Approved by the NFL. Very spendy
• Tithes: $200-$1000 a ticket
• Missals: Programs, quite expensive
• Cantors: cheerleaders
• Sacred Music: Usually classic rock, rap, or unmentionable, or all three (Kid Rock, anyone?).
• Lectors: The announcers
• Curia: The coaches
• Magisterium: The owners
• Pope: The commissioner
• Fellowship: tailgate parties, BBQs, etc.
• A liturgy: Divided into the liturgy of the first half and the liturgy of the second half. The liturgy is based around "plays" and each play is announced among the celebrants using a foreign language usually unintelligible to the ordinary lay man.
• A liturgical calendar: The Season and Ordinary Time, and The Draft.
• Liturgical police: Refs. Zebras. The guys who cost your team the game.
• An eschatology: "If we lose this game, my life is over."
• A soteriology: "If we win this game, I'll be in seventh heaven!"
• Confession: From celebrants: "I missed the tackle" or "I should have caught that pass". From laity: "I missed the first two minutes of the second half; I can't believe it!"
• Penance: benching, or, in the case of extreme sins/mistakes, fines or suspension
• Excommunication: Being cut or waived
• Dissenters: Those who refuse to watch the NFL (atheists/skeptics), or prefer college football (Protestants) or Arena Football (Mormons, JWs)

Why do I bring this up? Well, if you have to ask, you must not know what time of the year it is...

Comments

[Rick]

Fallen Angels/Demons: The Dallas Cowboys and all things associated with that dreaded organization!

Among NFL owners, Jerry Jones' nickname is Screwtape!

[M. Jordan Lichens]

Great Carl, now I'm going to feel bad for watching college football this season! Though, would small town high school football be the Pagans? Just a question.

[Rick]

Unfortunately, Carl dichotomizes football into a Protestant type of "either/or," he fails to see the true Form of Football as a whole which is a "both/all and". Football, and we are talking American football here, is like the Platonic Forms, there is only a hierarchy of perfections with pro football being analogous to the Good, college football is analogous to the Form of Justice, high school football to the Form of Math, etc. In watching or playing football at any level, one is drawn into a contemplation and participation of a perfection. All other sports are relegated to the realm of Becoming.

[Carl Olson]

Well, the truth of the matter, Rick, is that I actually prefer college football to pro football. So... :-)

[Rick]

Carl, I must admit, I tend to favor college football as whole! I found the Vick situation rather sad, it got more hype in the MSM than other important issues. If Benedict had given the Regensburg speech when Vick was in court, the address would have gotten back page status.

[Eric Thomason]

Could we add doctors of the Church? How about Vince Lombardi and Don Shula? Is it mere coincidence that both football legends were / are practicing Catholics? Hmmm....

I cannot resist commenting that I am currently a student at the true intersection of football with religion: Notre Dame. To wit: my three year old daughter, moments before the entrance procession at last year's Christmas Eve mass stood up on a pew, and began chanting "Weis, Weis, Weis"-- a cheer we students do for the Irish head coach at the start of the fourth quarter. My wife was mortified (she thinks the cheer violates the first commandment); I couldn't help laughing at my daughter confusing the two "liturgies."

In all seriousness, one great thing at Notre Dame (probably unique in college football) is the announcement of Sunday Mass times near the end of each game. In fact, orthodox Catholics would be heartened by many of the things happening on campus. There are problems, no doubt, but also many instances of renewal, orthodoxy, and vibrant Catholicism.

Go Irish!

[AKFox]

I prefer baseball. Would that make me a heretic?

[Carl Olson]

I prefer baseball. Would that make me a heretic?

No. Probably Eastern Orthodox. ;-)

[Carl Olson]

My favorite sports to watch are, in order: 1) Professional tennis, 2) NBA basketball, 3) college basketball, 4) college football, 5) NFL football, and, 666) NASCAR.

[Carl Olson]

Could we add doctors of the Church? How about Vince Lombardi and Don Shula?

You'd have to add Tom Landry to the mix, who was, if I recall correctly, a very devout Evangelical. Which reminds me: I should have added Sacred Shrines to the list, which would include the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio.

Eric: When Notre Dame ends the year at or under .500, will Charlie be fired? Just wondering. ;-)

[Rick]

Carl, I would add this to Sacred Shrines: Any college stadium where the home crowd is greater than the actual population of the town itself. There is something magical about a college stadium with a 100,000+ people in it.

[Fr. Jay T.]

This is something that frustrates the heck out of me. A child's coach demands mandatory attendance at every practice and game, a dress code (uniform, warm up suit, etc.), and a certain level of fundraising, and parents accept it without question. If a parish priest or religious education director asks that children attend every class, dress appropriately for Mass, and contribute to the support of the parish, what do you think happens?

[Carl Olson]

Amen, Father Jay!