Readers of Eugene's Register-Guard (aka, Red Guard) get to read a letter to the editor each month (since there is a "one per month" limit) from a certain Ron Black of Junction City, Oregon, who delights in bashing Christians, political conservatives, and anyone else he doesn't like (which appears to include several billion people). The most recent example (March 7th, second letter from top) is mildly clever but mostly disgusting and ugly, akin to watching a music video made by a heavy metal group consisting of aging and frustrated Marxists:
After having been force-fed a steady diet of terrorist teriyaki in 2004, fearful Americans re-enthroned a delusional White House chef de cuisine who believes that he has a divine mandate to jam his recipe for theocracy down the nation's throat.
Consequently, a five-star evangelical eatery has its tables set for a battle between Planned Parenthood and the state of South Dakota. This fundamentalist food court is called Chez Scalitomas. And anti-choice members of its staff are now preparing the Lord's supper at One First Street NE in Washington, D.C.
For carnivores, the reactionary restaurant's road kill menu may soon feature eviscerated Roe vs. Wade served on a tasty bed of freshly slaughtered stare decisis. Vegans may be offered a delightful Garden of Eden salad topped with a heavenly creationist dressing intelligently designed by cordon bleu Bible-thumpers.
Voters asked for this born-again carte du jour. Now the meal they ordered from it is about to be served. Bon appetit!
Obviously, Mr. Black has some complaints with the establishment's service. But his mealy, unsavory metaphors lead, ultimately, to a single question about his overheated and thoroughly baked thinking. (Hat tip to James Taranto and the Opinion Journal.)
Mr. BLACK enters, twirling a lariat. He smiles to the audience and says "Yup. I've never met an adverb I didn't like, ....or, come to think of it, an adjective I couldn't cram into a sentence somewhere. My dear mama used to say to me 'Ronnie, you'll never impress them with intelligence, so just try to dazzle them drivel.'
Posted by: Ed Peters | Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 09:25 PM
Sickening. It's interesting to contrast this kind of piggish, arrogant, essentially masturbatory writing style (which I've yet to fully squelch in myself - a lingering Nietzsche influence!) with the extraordinary humility of Joseph Ratzinger's writing. The more I read of him, the more this amazes me, because it's clear that his mind is absolutely of the first rank, yet we see none of this bluster from him. Yet he conveys absolute security, while the likes of Mr. Black and Nietzsche in the end come off as basically angry, pathetic adolescents (and N used to be my hero!). Thanks for posting this, Carl. It was a needed reminder for this thick skull.
Posted by: Jackson | Wednesday, March 08, 2006 at 10:51 PM
Jackson: I'll never forget the wise words of an excellent high school English teacher: "Carl, you're a good writer — when you know when to stop." I've not always reined it in very well, but his no-nonsense remark was what I needed.
Posted by: Carl Olson | Thursday, March 09, 2006 at 04:42 AM