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Thursday, March 10, 2011

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Ed Peters

Really, really well done. Thx, guys.

Brad Fallon

Great post. I love reading your blog. I admire those people who loves to embrace children as their own through adoption. You will be blessed more for your kindness and love for others.

annina

Yes, well done. Thanks!

I'd like to mention that it is very difficult and painful for adopted children to hear similar insensitive comments. As a multiracial child I heard it all! It hurts an adopted child of ANY age. Even as a 22 year old college student I remember being shocked and dismayed when a Professor I respected said it was great that I felt loved by my adopted parents, but that no one could love an adopted child in the same way they could love their own flesh and blood. I did managed to blurt out that I thought my father would die for me. Which was something I had always felt from the earliest age. That my daddy would take any suffering, gladly, to protect his wife and two daughters. The Professor was a little shocked, and I think he felt sorry for me.He really didn't understand that love was a choice not an accident of birth.

I promised by dying father that I would care for my mother when he was very ill and preparing to die. My husband and our children have done just that, for nine years. My mom, 90 now, has been totally bedridden for four years, and thank goodness she doesn't hear some on the stupid, cruel things I've heard. Various health professionals have said, "It's so nice you're willing to do this since she's not even your real mother." This doesn't hurt me now, I am old enough now to just pray for these confused people who just don't understand motherhood, fatherhood, and love.

Enjoy your beautiful family Carl and Heather!

Teo Matteo

Thanks Carl and Heather, my wife and I adopted two children from a Central American Country and we appreciated the list you have made. I would add that whenever a person does a horrific act and the press is scrambling to get info on the perpetrator i tend to tense up. I'm afraid that the killer is going to have been adopted and the press will forever refer to the criminal as: the adpoted son ... not fair, not sensible, not good.... Why dont they in the press say: 'the only child of...'?... sorry Carl, i'm just emoting

Thanks again, adoption is love.

Bob

My situation wasn't exactly the same, but I think the sentiments are still true. My mother remarried when I was four and my younger brother two. I still, at age 44, bristle when I am asked about my "real father." My real father is the man who took on the responsibility of not only marriage, but the care of two children not biologically his.
I can honestly say that any positive qualities I possess as a man, I "inherited" from the man I proudly call my father.
In this day and age with the high percentage of single mother homes and the lack of a father presence in the lives of many children, anyone who looks at a child and says, "I take you as my own" is a mother and a father in the truest way.
God bless you, Carl, and your wife for being the faces of love to those whom God has placed in your care.

karen

Thank you for this post! We adopted two baby girls from China (two separate adoptions). They have lived their whole lives (less 10 months) with us. The question I often get that puts that puzzled look on my face is, "Are they sisters?" I just stare at the person and raise an eyebrow and say, "Of course they're sisters!" They usually restate their question using the phrase "biological sisters". Honestly, I fail to see why that matters.

But it is a funny feeling in my brain when I get that, like being told grass is blue or the sky is green.

TonyR

annina,

My wife and I are in the process of foster to adopt an infant boy. He has been with us since he was 3 days old. He is now a little over 6 months old. I can't imagine being able to love a child more then I love "my" little boy and I would die for him.

Achilles

You guys are beautiful, thanks for sharing that! I call my parents who raised me "my real parents" because they are. God bless you all!

Mary L. Berg

I am a 57 year old "adopted" daughter, who found her birth mother. My birth mother didn't want to be found and had never told her family that they had a 1/2 sister out there. When we met, I was asked what bond did we have??? I said that her blood ran in my veins. I continued to tell her that I was raised in a loving caring family and she didn't seem to care. I had brought photos for her to look at and she had no interest in that either. Our visit ended with her allowing me to give her a hug and to take her picture. When she returned to her vehicle, I told her I would keep her in my thoughts and prayers and she kind of looked at me with questionable eyes, that kind of said why would you do that?? I had little more contact with her for the last 3 years, until she called me and told me that she was in her third bout with cervical cancer. Before we hung up, I told her I loved her. It came from the Holy Spirit, because I don't know where else it could have come from.
About 3 months later, a 1/2 sister called me and told me that she had died. We are planning on meeting and I am very thankful to Our Lord for that.
My adopted mother's reaction to my finding my birth mother was to go ahead and send my letter and that things that happened 50 some years ago where in the past. She also knew that I had wanted to find her from an early age.
I also have had thoughts over the years that I could have been aborted and not even be here. I could also have grown up in a unloving family.
I am very pro adoption and I am in awe of adoptive parents, Praise the Lord there are people like that out there.
I hope that my comments from an "adopted" child will be an inspiration to all adoptive families out there.

Charlie B

Carl, great post. Levels of "openness" in adoption plans began to appear in the early 80s. We adopted two children from a Catholic Charities agency in the mid and late 1980s. We agreed to exchange letters and photos but not last names or addresses. Everthing went through the agency. This was a comfortable and workable covenant. Our children have always known how they came to us. Over time, they got to "meet" their birthparents thru letters and pictures. To this day, there have been no "issues" in these relationships. We think the agency's approach to adoption from the beginning is one factor.

25 years later, we recently met one set of birthparents. It was wonderful. Though they have not yet met their/our son, he is open to that some day. They have had some written contact as he neared his 20s. We hope to meet our daughter's birthmother some day, though she lives far far north of us. We suspect we will. She and our daughter are Facebook friends.

I know not every experience of adoption is as wonderful as ours. But I remember one of the early information meetings at the agency, listening to testimonies of adoptees, adoptive couples, and women who had released a child for adoption. I came to the perhaps unorthodox conclusion that adoption could be an 8th sacrament. The Paschal Mystery, for me, is written all over it. It may be oversimplified, but here's how I see it:

A young woman, pregnant with life, endures an "agony in the garden." She ultimately makes a choice to let go of her child. She walks into our life and releases her child to us. We, who's agony in the garden as been the bewilderment of infertility and barrenness, receive this gift unworthily. She walks away with our barrenness, ties her hands, and we are blessed with the fullness of life.
The human race, barren with sin, receives the Son, "pregnant" with Life. Jesus in effect empties this Life, carrying our barrenness to the tomb, and the Father ties his hands. And we, unworthy, are blessed with the gift of Life eternal.

Through adoption, I came to more fully understand Paul's words about being God's adopted children. We've been so blessed. I guess that's why I consider it a sacrament.

Nick Thomm

Carl,

Great piece. Congratulate your wife for a candid and informative discussion. I was adopted and my wife and I have an adopted 10-month-old and I know well how the best of intentions can come off so badly. God bless Carl!

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