1. Who made us?
God made us, blah, blah, blah. But, more importantly, he/she gives us freedom of conscience, the right to do whatever we wish with our bodies, and mouths to criticize and condemn Church authority. Traditional Catholicism is hung up on telling people, "Repent!" But the New Church is about saying, "Dissent!"
2. Who is God?
Religious fundamentalists such as the pope have created a patriarchal "God" who hates women, hates the freedom of conscience, and who sends people to hell. But the real god/goddess, who is a constantly evolving concept shared by the spiritually enlightened within the global community, is most interested in our happiness, which comes from us deciding to do what we want, which usually involves denouncing the Magisterium and fighting for the right to reproductive health services. The true god/goddess is a friend who tells us what we want to hear, when we want to hear it.
3. Why did God make us?
To have a good life and to create our own happiness, based on tolerance, diversity, egalitarianism, sexual freedom, and liberation from oppressive male institutions. To pursue reproductive justice. And to be lesbian.
4. What must we do to gain the happiness of heaven?
Just be yourself! Reject guilt, hug yourself! Besides, heaven is a traditional construct rooted in fear, violence, and infantile notions of objective morality. True happiness is found in doing what is best for you, on your terms, free of social and religious constraints that are anti-woman and anti-progress. Also, don't accept how the old men in the Vatican present Catholicism. The way the Vatican presents Catholicism is incomplete.
You mustn't let old men tell you how to live your life, or let unborn fetuses ruin your life. Helping women find reproductive justice is one of the greatest acts of social justice you can accomplish. They have a sacred right to abortion, and an obligation to keep their lives from being ruined by pregnancy. After all, the President said it, and that should settle it for anyone living in a democracy.
5. From whom do we learn to know, love, and serve God?
The National Catholic Reporter, Richard McBrien, Mary Daly, The New York Times, Charlie Curran, Joan Chittister, and the Spirit of Vatican II. Oh, and Oprah and "The View". But it's most important to know yourself and love yourself. Affirm who you are by being free of prejudice, dogma, and doctrine. Keep those rosaries off our ovaries!
6. Where do we find the chief truths taught by Jesus Christ through the Catholic Church?
There is no "truth", and that's the truth! But, in addition to the infallible sources mentioned above, the most important source of truth is my conscience, which should not be influenced by Jesus Christ or the Catholic Church.
7. Say the Apostles' Creed.
Get lost! Now you're encroaching on my right to privacy and blurring the line separating church and State. Don't ask me how; I'll have an ACLU lawyer call you and explain it.