Why stop with "Christian Ramadan"? Keep on going!

Perhaps you've seen this bit of news out of the Netherworld—er, Netherlands, where the Catholic faith is apparently nearly dead, although not for lack of trying to be understood...sorta:

Dutch Catholics have re-branded the Lent fast as the "Christian Ramadan" in an attempt to appeal to young people who are more likely to know about Islam than Christianity.

The Catholic charity Vastenaktie, which collects for the Third World across the Netherlands during the Lent period, is concerned that the Christian festival has become less important for the Dutch over the last generation.

"The image of the Catholic Lent must be polished. The fact that we use a Muslim term is related to the fact that Ramadan is a better-known concept among young people than Lent," said Vastenaktie Director, Martin Van der Kuil.

Which got me too thinking: how might I, living in the most unchurched (or is it "least churched"?) area of the United States (the Northwest), make Catholicism relevant? Since secularism, sports, New Age beliefs, sports, euthanasia, and sports are more popular here than Christianity, Islam, tax cuts, and commonsense, I came up with these descriptives as ways to explain various Catholic terms:

• Lent = "Catholic winter semester sabbatical", or "Catholic pre-season"
• Easter = "Catholic spring break", or "Catholic Super Bowl", or "Catholic Rave!"
• Advent = "Catholic gift-buying season", or "Catholic playoffs"
• Christmas = "Catholic winter solstice", or "Catholic winter vacation", or "Catholic divisional championship"
• Sunday = "Catholic game day"
• Pope = "Catholic head coach", or "Catholic executive coach", or "Catholic ascended master"
• Priest = "Catholic life coach", or "Catholic personal trainer", or "Catholic life management guru"
• Parish = "Catholic training facility", or "Catholic wellness center," or "Catholic community center"
• Mass = "Catholic life training seminar", or "Catholic practice session," or "Catholic self-esteem enhancement session followed by optional interactive nourishment support groups"
• Homily = "Catholic pep talk", or "Catholic mini-life coaching session"
• Confession = "Catholic venting," or "Catholic past life therapy", or "Catholic goal adjustment session"
• Bible = "Catholic life manual," or "Catholic play book," or "Catholic community journal"
• Cathedral = "Catholic stadium", or "Catholic community center"
• Rosary = "Catholic energy bracelet/necklace"
• Statues = "Catholic hall of fame"
• Sacramentals = "Catholic souvenirs," or "Catholic charms"
• Holy Cards = "Catholic playing cards"
• Holy Water = "Catholic Gatorade," or "Catholic energy boost"
• Saints = "Catholic Hall of Fame," or "Catholic spirit guides"

There are more, I'm sure, but this would be of great help, I think, to reaching the lost and the unsave—uh, I mean the Beatific Vision-challenged. And, more importantly, it would greatly lessen the chance of offending anyone since it would obscure precisely what is unique about Catholicism.

• Jeff Miller has a few similar thoughts.
• "The Sacramentals of Sport" | August 29, 2007

Comments

[Bryan]

Great work Carl!

[MMajor Fan]

Hell=eternal time out.
Purgatory=colonic cleanser.
Heaven=free Starbucks.

[rd]

I notice you don't have one for "holy water." Is that because it wouldn't be eco-friendly and therefore unthinkable for any Northwest person?

[Carl Olson]

I notice you don't have one for "holy water."

Added! Along with a couple more...

[Pat]

This is the dumbest column I have ever read.

[Carl Olson]

This is the dumbest column I have ever read.

That is the dumbest comment I have ever read.

[Pat]

Don't you have better things to do with your time than to compose idiotic columns about nothing?

[Carl Olson]

Pat: You just performed a minor miracle: you made yourself even smaller than you were before. Really now, develop a sense a humor. And, if you can't, take a hike.

[Mel]

Carl,

Don't you have better things to do than answer idiotic comments?

[Carl Olson]

Don't you have better things to do than answer idiotic comments?

Mel: Apparently not...

[Dale Price]

Carl:

In the spirit of the post, don't think of it as an idiotic comment:

It's a reason-challenged opinion.

[Carl Olson]

It's a reason-challenged opinion.

LOL! Thanks for the serious-challenged comment.

[rd]

During lunch today there was a table-tent with an invitation to a Lenten Taizé meditation. One of the promotional lines was that it'll give you some nice relaxation. Was there something wrong with that, or was it just me?

[RC]

Atonement = Catholic "suicide squeeze" play
Confession = Catholic post-game review
Homily = Catholic dharma session, Catholic strategy session
Lent = Catholic spring training
Parish = Catholic spirituality center
RCIA = Catholic recruiting/draft
Retreat house = Catholic fitness/rehab facility
Spiritual director = Catholic personal trainer

[puella]

I'm stunned to discover that something like this is re-inforcing the USA's oh-so-elightened view of the Netherlands and the Catholic Church here. I live in the Netherlands, am active in my parish, am doing my best to observe Lent as best I can...and haven't heard about this "rebranding" of Lent at all.

What's most amusing is the seemingly perennial obsession with talking Catholicism in the Netherlands down. Well, I call it amusing because if people like me, who are doing their best to stay close to God and His holy Church, weren't to just laugh at people in the USA taking the rancid mickey, we'd be depressed by USAns tendency to rubbish our lives and our home instead of praying for us.

We're busy about the Lord's work here. I at least would appreciate it if others would support us prayerfully in this, rather than this sarcastic and condescending commentary.

[Guido Vossenberg]

I'd like to remind the writer of this post, as well as some of the people that replied, of the words of St. James: Jm 3 (especially verses 5-6, 9-10, 13 and 17) and Jm 4: 11-12.

Well, I'm not an expert, but I'd roughly interpret these words as: stop bitching about one another, because if you speak bad of someone (such as by mocking them in a blog post, or by insulting them in a reply), you're going against Gods will.

Help each other to become better Christians instead of taking people down.

I'm a Dutch Catholic myself, and this 'Catholic Ramadan' comment is completely new for me. However, it makes at least *some* sense, mind-boggling as it is, as opposed to the "explanations" written down by Mr. Olson.